Adoption into Parenting

This is my first post to address "issues" related to adoption.

Which, in itself, is a complicated "issue" and "experiences" is a much more accurate term.

This is an introduction of how our journey began.  

Who I am has been so shaped by our experiences.
I decided to start including some of these experiences in my blog.  

Please remember this post when I make mention of things in future posts,
because I want to also always remember these truths myself.

     When we started on the path to take care of foster children and then adopt some of those foster children, I saw good everywhere I looked.  

There was so much possibility for good! 

There still is good, but ONLY because we serve a GOOD God!

I have learned the hard way: there is a negative in every situation because we live in a broken, sin-filled world.  I have seen the devil use the negatives to bring depression and discourgment which will quickly steal our joy.

When we look for the negative, we will find it.

Similarly, when we look for the good, we will find that too.

"For we KNOW that God causes all things to work together FOR good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28 (emphasis mine)

     There is SO much in Romans 8 to encourage those who are walking through sufferings but, following my line of thinking in regard to our situation as a whole, verse 6 really stands out:

"For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace."

There is GOOD, there is LIFE, and there is PEACE because we serve a God who is greater.

Our task then is to LOVE God, allow ourselves to BE CALLED according to His purpose and SET our minds on the Spirit.

     Our first foster child was my son, he was one day old and I was priveleged to pick him up from the hospital.  He never had a visit with his family and he was adopted when he was 10 months old.  If you're thinking about doing foster-to-adopt please remember and be prepared for a completely different experience ... this happens about 0.0000001% of the time in foster care!

     My daughter came to live with us on my sons first birthday.  She was 3 years and almost 2 months old.  She had been in two other foster homes before she came to our home.  Her foster time was pretty "normal" (if there is a normal in foster care!).  She did visits off and on for over a year and then her case moved to adoption.  She was adopted when she was 4 years and 8 months old.  

Their stories and our experiences in parenting them are vastly different.

Some of these differences will become apparent as I continue to write 

(for instance: my son can read my blog, create a nickname and add a comment without extreme emotional and mental upheaval, my daughter could not).

     We cared for many more foster children and I may address those experiences at different times but I decided to use this post as a sort of introduction into my parenting experience.

     There is GOOD in our adoption experiences, there is LIFE in our adoption experiences and we find PEACE in the midst of these experiences because God's lovingkindness is everlasting and His mercies are new every morning!

Through it all I have discovered,

I am just a mom, who adopted kids, who is being carved and molded by God, who tries hard to see where "ALL things work together for good" and who is nothing without Christ.

This post has been read and approved by "D.J" 

(my sons nickname for this blog) who also commented, 

"God makes all things good" - DJ 

"Why are you crying out to Me?"

You are finally walking away from suffering. 

You're marching forward full of relief.  

The past is in the past and you are ready to embrace a land flowing with milk, honey and freedom from oppression.  

In the distance you hear the pounding of hooves and the shouts of war. You turn, suddenly blinded by sunlight reflecting off hundreds of chariots pursuing you and swiftly gaining. Despair envelopes you.  You are not free.  Maybe you never were free. You can't go back, you just can't.  Every negative, depressing, desparing thought wreaks havoc in your mind and you cry out in agony.

"The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent..."

Just like that, we forget God is our Warrior.

We forget the Lord is our strength, our song, and our salvation.

We forget the God who is almighty, all powerful and greater than anything ever is the one and only God who just delivered us from slavery by His own hand.

We forget we did absolutly NOTHING to free ourselves.  

The Isrealites didn't have to plague the Egyptians, they didn't have to win debates with Pharoah, they didn't have to call on other countries, they didn't have to riot in the streets and they certainly didn't have to fight with weapons.

"...Why are you crying out to Me?"

Why did the Isrealites cry out to God when He had just freed them 

AND promised them freedom?

Why do we keep crying out instead of being silent and watching Him work?

What if we stopped crying out and trusted?

"Tell the sons of Isreal to go forward."

We would go forward!! 

If we stopped crying out, we would go forward!  

We would go forward to minister to the orphans and widows.  

We would go forward to bring the good news to lost and lonely people.  

We would go forward to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, invite in the stranger, clothe the naked, look after the sick and visit the prisoner! 

THEN,

we would watch God work! 

We would see His mighty hand at work making a way for us to go forward. 

As the Isrealites watched God make a way through a great body of water, 

we would watch God make a way for us to go forward.  

We would see His mighty hand at work and we would be able to say, 

"The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation, This is my God, and 
I will praise Him."  

References from Exodus 14 and Matthew 25:35

What happened to the Tiny House?

One of the "must haves" when we were looking at purchasing property was a place to park our Tiny House.  Most of the properties with this qualification met had R.V. parking.  While R.V. parking works great in regards to space enough for our Tiny House, it is usually a concrete slab added to a driveway.  Not the greatest setting for a house!

When I saw the place on our new property where we could park our Tiny House I was so excited!  This would be the view from the big picture window!

 

And that's in the Winter!  In the Spring, Summer and Fall when all the trees are blooming, growing and a riot of color it's even more beautiful.

There just happened to be a patch of land between the pasture fence and the road which not only fit the Tiny House but also provided a small yard before the pasture starts. 

The dirt piled there is part of what was dug out for the french drain, one of those ongoing projects that always takes longer than you think!

Another wonderful benefit of where the Tiny House is located:  I get to look at it from my front window and porch and I really do think it's a cute little Tiny House.

My husband and I would love to live in our cute little Tiny House again but, since our family has outgrown it for now, my brother and sister-in-law are living there AND making it look ten times cuter inside than I did.  In fact, my sister-in-law has an Instagram where she shares all about their experience living there: https://www.instagram.com/essentially.sara/

If you're interested in Tiny Living, you'll love seeing everything she posts about Tiny House Living!

HOPE

Reading through Exodus 6 this morning I was struck by the question: what would our lives be like if we listened to the promises of God?

More specifically,

 what would MY life be like if I really listened to the word of God?

Not an uncommon question if you're a Christian, I know, but one I believe requires continued consideration. 

God TOLD the Israelites, "I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from their bondage. I will also redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great judgements.  Then I will take you for My people, and I will be your God; and you shall know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians." Exodus 6:6-7

He told them it would all work out.

However, what the Isrealites saw and heard and lived was all bondage.  In addition to their current lives of slavery, Pharoah had just increased their suffering because of Moses's request to let God's people worship.

"...they did not listen to Moses on account of their despondency and cruel bondage."

I don't understand the utter hopelessness of slavery or cruel bondage but I have known the feeling of hopelessness. The feeling of hopelessness when every bit of parenting advice for normal, abnormal, attached, non-attached, etc. children doesn't work. When my physical health can only be addressed by a medication, a VERY expensive medication which drains our HSA every year.  When the trauma effected children cause me to be a trauma effected momma who needs to spend more money on anti-anxiety supplements.  When cars are breaking down, medical bills are piling up, the dishwasher isn't working, the electric bill is getting higher and there seems to be no end in sight.

But then, maybe my sight needs to change.  

What IF the Isrealites had listened to Moses, 

listened to God speaking through Moses?  

They would have been rejoicing!  They would have been smiling and joking as they made their bricks.  They would have been laughing as they raced around to find more straw.  Have you ever gotten to the end of a really long work day and you know its almost over??  That's the feeling they would have had.  They would have KNOWN there was an end to the cruel bondage.  

They would have been experiencing HOPE instead of hopelessness. 

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."  Colossians 3:2-3

Suddenly...
Parenting children is not hopeless, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all WITHOUT FINDING FAULT (emphasis mine)." James 1:5

The health costs and concerns are covered, "My God shall supply all your needs your needs according to His riches in glory." Phillippians 4:19

The trauma isn't to big for God, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you." John 14:27

All those other things?  Well, I can smile because I KNOW that someday I can leave this breaking, broken world behind.  

Sure, I can't drive very far in my gas-guzzling van; maybe God wants me to stay close to home right now.  Sure, we can't pay the medical bills; maybe it's time to humble myself and ask for help (btw, God covered those for us already, He is Good). Sure...the dishwasher isn't working; maybe I need to be thankful we have food to eat (and no, its not fixed yet, and the joke that my kids can be my dishwashers doesn't work around here...that's another story for another post). 

Despondency has no place in a mind focused on God's word. 

This is not addressing depression in the clinical sense, depression is real and my anti-anxiety aids I believe are one of the many ways God supply's all my needs.

What I am saying though is...

We have a HOPE and a PEACE which surpasses all understanding WHEN we LISTEN to and BELIEVE the word of God.

Feel free to remind me of this tomorrow when my very human brain gets despondent over the things of this world yet again!